A Wee bit about me

Throughout my life I have consistently experienced a profound sense of being an outsider and related feelings of anxiety.

At school I was completely out of sync with those around me. Studying art meant I had access to a reserved studio area. This is where I went to breathe, express myself and listen to the radio. It also offered a safe space away from the playground bullies. I poured everything into my portfolio to achieve my ambition of being accepted into art college.

This new beginning across the water in Dundee was short lived. Everything caught up on me and this marked the start of a revolving door cycle of mental health hospital admissions. I didn’t really understand myself and nobody really understood me. The medication I was prescribed blunted my emotions and affected my ability to be creative. I couldn’t paint any more because I couldn’t feel.

The Covid-19 pandemic was ironically the most liberating period of my life. I wasn’t on anyone’s radar and had a chance to remove that chemical filter. A decision about my care and treatment that I’d never had the freedom to make before.

Going from feeling nothing to suddenly feeling absolutely everything was very overwhelming, intense and not pretty.

I struggled to identify and articulate every day emotions, and didn’t have the skills to self-regulate because every thing was so new. My entire adult life had involved a constant presence of doctors analysing me from a clinical perspective and taking control - prescribing a pill for what they saw or what they thought they saw, regardless of whether I wanted them to.

Lockdown gave me the time and space I needed to start unpacking those big trapped emotions. The greatest gift was being able to pick up my paintbrush again and start using that as a tool to explore, make sense, have a voice and also heal.

Being able to think deeply and express myself safely on a canvas, rather than it stifling in my head is very much my best medicine. Painting makes me feel alive. It also brings me so much joy.

My artwork is deeply influenced by time studying in Beijing, where I had the opportunity to explore up close my fascination with Chinese culture and the way art can be used as a means of expression within a society where freedom of speech is restricted. You can watch a video slideshow from my travels here.

I am currently employed in a wellbeing related role and paint in my leisure time. I recognise both personally and professionally how transformative opportunities to share experiences, emotions, and ideas through creative outlets can be. This contrasts with traditional spoken language and one size fits all approaches.

Gardens at Saint-Paul Asylum (where Van Gogh was a patient)

Following the footsteps of Van Gogh in the South of France

Visiting Café Terrace at Night (aka the Yellow Cafe) in Arles, South of France

Saint-Paul Asylum (where Van Gogh was a patient)

Standing at the site of Wheatfield with Crows (Van Gogh) in Auvers-sur-Oise

David Hockney 25 exhibition at Louis Vuitton Foundation (Paris)

Tracey Emin "I Lay Here For You" sculpture at Jupiter Artland

Chatting about my art related music on K107 FM - D's Late Sunday Lunch